Victims of Parisology
by RenaElaine
Summary: A series of 100 word drabbles describing what happens when Natsu and Gray realize their insults are severely lacking and the whole guild is dragged headfirst into a word war.
1. A Peaceful Setting

**AN: so I have this little book of long, strange, and oddly specific words and figured I might put it to use.**

**Parisology: when you use unnecessarily complicated words so that no one understands you **

* * *

The sun shone brightly on the city of Magnolia as people walked through the streets cheerfully as they went about their business.

At the edge of the idyllic city a guild hall lay bathed in golden rays and clothed in colorful banners displaying a white emblem, the Fairy Tail emblem. Inside the rectangular hall an odd assortment of very rowdy people sat at rows of picnic tables laughing and drinking.

Even though several fights had broken out and the noise was near deafening, everything was relatively peaceful. Little did anyone know the most fearsome of battles was approaching Fairy Tail.


	2. Don't they do anything but fight?

**Please read, review, follow, and favorite. As always concrit is welcome.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail or any of it's characters, I'm just an avid fan.**

* * *

From near the stage came the shout of, "oi, droopy eyes what do you think you're doing sitting around being useless!"

"I could say the same to you, slanty eyes!" A raven-haired boy retorted, leaping from the barstool he'd been sitting on into a fighting stance.

In an instant the original insulter, a boy with spiky pink hair, crossed the hall and joined his opponent in a face-off, fists raised.

A girl nearby at the bar sighed exasperatedly. "What is it, Lucy?" The smiling bartender, Mirajane, asked, addressing the sighing girl.

"Don't they know how to do anything but fight?"


	3. Can't Convey Emotion

**Please review, edit, favorite, and subscribe. Concrit is always welcome. **

**Disclaimer: If it wasn't already obvious, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of it's characters.**

* * *

"They just fight because they don't have the ability to use words well enough to convey emotion." A short blue-haired girl stated matter of factly as she joined Lucy and Mirajane at the bar.

"Hmm…" Lucy murmured as she thought back to all the times Gray and Natsu had fought. It was true they'd only ever recycled the same old insults before growing frustrated and deciding to use fists.

As if reading her mind Mirajane spoke up, smiling as always. "Besides, even if they could use words they don't have a big enough vocabulary, they always use the same insults."


	4. Who are you calling stupid!

**Sorry this update took longer, but since school has started updates are going to be fewer and farer between.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail or any of its characters. **

* * *

"I guess you're right Levy, they just aren't smart enough." Lucy said, shifting her chin into her palm.

"Who are you calling stupid!" Lucy turned her head to find herself inches from a very angry Natsu and Gray. It seemed, despite the battle, their conversation had not gone unnoticed.

"No one!" Levy hurriedly interjected, trying to calm them quickly.

"We were just commenting on how your lack of literacy and extensive vocabulary contribute to your battle tendencies." Prattled Mirajane ignorantly, whilst carrying a platter of drinks past the bar's edge.

Lucy and Levy shot her a look of utter horror.


	5. They're calling us stupid!

**Sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and, as always, you are encouraged to favorite, follow, and review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its plot, characters, etc.**

* * *

Confusion dawned on the two boys' faces and it became apparent neither had understood a word of what Mirajane had said. Lucy and Levy exhaled in relief while Gray and Natsu turned their backs in quick conference. "Do you know what she said?" Asked Gray in a loud, harsh whisper easily overheard by others.

"Not a clue, how about you Happy? Do you know what they're saying?" Natsu queried, acknowledging the cats arrival to his side.

"I think," Happy began before rising above Gray and Natsu's heads and restating, "I think…" He pointed at the girls. "They're calling us stupid!"


	6. I Challenge You!

**Hello there! Once again I'm sorry for the huge delay, but I believe my posting schedule is beyond hope. **

**As always please read, review, follow, and favorite; everything is appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the associated plot, characters, etc.**

* * *

"No! That's not what we meant!" Lucy and Levy began, frantically waving their arms. However, before they could finish explaining themselves Natsu jumped in.

"If we're so stupid then I challenge you to a battle!"

"What?! No!" Lucy screamed incredulously; Natsu would pulverize her in a fight and she knew it.

"That doesn't even make sense," said Mirajane reentering the conversation having returned from her errand, "you can't challenge brains with fists."

Lucy and Levy quickly murmured in agreement, desperate to avoid physical conflict.

"Fine…" Natsu huffed in consent, and then brightened. "Then I challenge you to a word battle!"


	7. I accept!

**Another update, hurray!**

**As always please read, review, favorite, and follow and everything is appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the associated characters, plot, etc.**

* * *

Confusion was immediate

"A word battle?" Inquired Lucy, her fear turned to curiosity.

"Yeah." Natsu assented while Gray stood assuredly next to him.

_Natsu and Gray working together, what has the world come to? _Thought Lucy before speaking, "what would you even do in a word battle?"

"I don't know, whoever uses the best words wins or something." Responded Natsu brashly.

"How about this," piped in Mirajane, "every time one person uses a word the other doesn't know they get a point."

Lucy considered her options for a quick moment before smiling and confidently shouting. "Ok, I accept your challenge!"


	8. It's Arrived

**Another update? This never happens!**

**Once again I ask you to please read, review, favorite, and follow.**

**Disclaimer: If you haven't figured out by now, I still don't own Fairy Tail or any of its associated plot, characters, etc.**

* * *

By the end of the day rumors of the challenge had spread through Magnolia's intricate network and the town was abuzz of an upcoming war. Instead of being at home with families by the time night fell the majority of the guild found themselves still within the hall.

Mirajane set two large posters on Reedus's easels upon the stage and began fixing a broad purple banner with golden stars between them. The phrase "Word War" had been painted on the banner in a color matching the stars.

Everyone's fears were confirmed; it was no longer just coming, war had arrived.


	9. Explanations

**Perhaps not my strongest chapter, but it's still an update; two in one day. I'll probably do some editing later.**

**Please read, review, favorite, and follow. Everything is much appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its associated plot, characters, etc.**

* * *

Having finished placing the banner, Mirajane turned to the packed guild. Sensing their reason for being there she began explaining the proceedings. "Over the next week a battle will take place between Natsu and Lucy. If you wish, you can sign up to join one of their teams." She announced in a high, cheerful voice whilst gesturing to the board on stage left containing a t-chart with Team Natsu listed on one side and Team Lucy on the other.

"Each time a person from one team uses a word someone from the other team doesn't know they get a point."


	10. Rules

**Another chapter I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with, oh well, at least its something.**

**Please feel free to read, review, favorite, and follow.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its associated character, plot, etc.**

* * *

"Me and Gramps will record all points here," she pointed at the poster stage right which contained a t-chart identical to the other, "and make all rulings." The guild listened intently. "There will be no cheating, magic-using, or fighting." A hugely audible groan echoed through the hall. "You will have three days to join teams, prepare, and study. Best of luck!"

Gramps joined Mirajane onstage in time to declare. "Your time begins now!"

Before he even finished his words the guild jumped into action, rushing madly for the stage with pens and pencils in hand. And so the battle commenced.


End file.
